Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
