So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
