She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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