I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize