I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
