I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
