glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
