the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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