He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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