so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
