Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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