She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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