Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Randomize
