so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I love having hate sex.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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