Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
