oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
