The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
