He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
