My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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