i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
