There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
