I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
