He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
