You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
