I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Terrible idea I love it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
