I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Randomize
