the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
