I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
