it was like eating out sand paper
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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