He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
