She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
