Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
as a side note pls kill me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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