Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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