so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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