The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
