$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
