So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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