i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
