I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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