So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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