did you get engaged???
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
