Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
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I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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