It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize