put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
