The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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