these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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