I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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