On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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