once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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