She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize