How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
