He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
