great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
