I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
