Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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