You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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