is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
