As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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