Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
