pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
