I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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