You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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