every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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