she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
