maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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