3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
